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evelyn macritchie's avatar

Too many times people don't have the 'talk'. Consequently, families argue about what the deceased would want and the question of money causes even more problems.

When someone dies we grieve over and over again for them throughout our own lives. From the age of 21 I have been grieving over and over.

I will never forget the day my 30 year old brother came to the house to break the news that he had cancer. He died 5 months later. Unfortunately his wife wouldn't let my parents have anything to do with organising his funeral. Then, she sold his house and personal effects. My Mother and Father were crushed by this insensitivity and never allowed to fully grieve for my brother. 5 years later, my father died, through the stress of losing his son. So now the weight of grief seemed immeasurable. And still, my Mother struggled to discuss death, and what she wanted if/when something happened to her. However, when she turned 80 she decided to arrange her own funeral and choose the music. She made me laugh and cry when she spoke about how strange it made her feel talking about her own death.

My mum passed in 2021, during lockdown. Noone could have guessed what the added stress of lockdown rules would do to families who had lost family members during that time. Quite frankly I was so grateful that my Mum had already organised the biggest chunk of her funeral. As the last one standing in my family, the grief had totally consumed me and it seemed that every decision I had to make took hours! I never dreamt that her death, and becoming an orphan in my 50s would lie so heavily with me. At the end of the day, no matter how prepared and accepting we think we are of death, it will always affect us in ways we never expect. My one recommendation to anyone is Make Sure You Have Written A Will. That way, there's less chance of arguments about what the person might want.

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Pascale Jutard's avatar

Death , yes it can be an difficult subject but I can only respond for myself . I don’t mind talking about it , we cannot escape it so why not talking about it. I am a single woman living 5000 kms away from my blood family and getting older so I have to prepare . I don’t count on any of my relatives for dealing with me at this specific time but I made plans some financial and other more specific .. what scares people the most is how we died .. pain , agony are scary . Everyone would like to pass in our bed …..

my goals is to not leave to much trouble for the people I nominated as my executives … tell what you want write it down … downsize who want to deal with all your memories? No one .

Make sure that you have some money allocated to what to do after you gone .

Simplify

I love this poem about.

Words are wands

By Clare Harner

Do not stand

By my grave and weep,

Iam not there, I do not sleep

I am the thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle , autumn rain.

As you awake with the morning ´s hush

I am the swift, uplifting rush

Of the quit birds in circling flight .

I am the day transcending night.

Do not stand By my grave and cry

I am not there, I did not die .

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