The Myth of Busy...#16

What happens when you're not?

Hello friends,

When I was a financial planner, recent retirees would often say “I’m so busy, I don’t know how I ever had time to work” followed by a litany of activities; holidaying, lunching, volunteering, golf, tennis, helping with the grandchildren, gardening... 

I’d silently think, “Lovely things to do, but is that it for the next 20 years?” How judgy of me.

I was reminded of this thought over a coffee with a friend. She, in her mid 40s, on a sabbatical prior to a career change, basking in an interlude of freedom after many years jam packed with progressing her career and motherhood.  Me, working out what comes next…

Americanos in hand, we kicked off with the standard opener “What are you up to?” to which I found myself saying, in a slightly apologetic tone, “I’m busy, but not in a way you’d recognise”.  An entrée to  a conversation about busyness. 

Busy beliefs

We reflected on the Myth of Busy and its pervasiveness in our culture.

Surely being busy indicates we’re important.

It suggests we have purpose.

It follows we are valuable – to our work, clients, family, friends, society.

It shows we are talented, after all, not everyone can balance such a load.

It definitely shows we are popular.

It rewards us with a certain sense of satisfaction when reflecting on a day’s hard work.

It validates our self-worth.

And leaves little time to think about what we really want.

What if I am no longer busy?

“Yet,” I countered, “what if I’m no longer busy, just busy busying? What does that mean? What does this say about me?

I’m not important?

I have no purpose?

I’m of little value?

I’m not popular? 

Who have I become?

Worse still, am I being lazy, slowing down, getting old, losing touch, no longer relevant? Sprinkle in a sense of mortality, finitude or wonder at where time has gone and I can find myself entering into dangerous territory.

Excavate

My friend and I chewed on my negative tirade as we sipped our second coffee, gently excavating my thoughts.

Is the Myth of Busy and its associated beliefs true?

Where did it come from?

When did busy become a badge of honour?

Why do I remain hooked into thinking I should be busy?

That somehow I am ‘less than’ for not being so?

How do these beliefs serve me?

Let go

Intellectually I know I should give myself permission to let go of the Myth of Busy and find a pace and pressure that is nourishing and regenerative for me.

Finding boundaries that balance work¹, exercise and play. Allowing spontaneity. Savouring a slower pace. Spending extra time over my morning coffee. Enabling reflection and continued experimentation.

Errr, kind of what I am doing. Somedays.

So why my ping pong of thoughts?

A work in progress

Look, if you are busy right now I can hear you reaching for your tiny violins - I get it!

I guess I’m finding my transition into mid and later life tricky at times.  Sometimes I feel I have it sussed. Other times I feel I’m at a loose end searching for my ‘thing’.

I dance between dreaming of launching a new business and volunteering for a cause I believe in, whilst relishing my freedom, not wanting to find myself in that stressful, tiring, busy place again. Being accountable to others.

I’m a work in progress. I’ll figure it out.

But enough of my lamenting.

How about you, what’s your relationship with busy? Too much, too little, just the right amount on? And if time opened up a little for you, how would you spend it?

Do drop me a line, I’d love to hear from you.

Until next week,

Ruth x

ps This inspiring quote from Richard Feynman, via Shane Parish’s Farnham Street blog, popped into my feed and resonated with me just before pushing send:

“Fall in love with some activity, and do it! Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn’t matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is interesting if you go deeply enough into it. Work as hard and as much as you want on the things you like to do the best. Don’t think about what you want to be, but what you want to do”.

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1. I say work, it may be work, or perhaps its that sense of purpose we humans thrive on…