Purpose. Passion. Pressure?

Managing life between

Hello friends,

A quick note before we begin. I am still feeling my way around the Substack platform, which for the record is very impressive. I have realised that I hadn’t turned off a feature asking you to ‘pledge’ future money support for this blog. Oops. For now I am just playing, experimenting and honing my craft with no intention of asking for money for this new project. If that changes, you’ll be the first to know. Apologies for any confusion (and thanks to Tina, Katie and Claire for pointing this out to me :-)). To today’s words….

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In an earlier blog I wrote about the 5 pillars of wellbeing. One of the pillars is having a Career or Purpose. The thing that gets you out of bed in the morning. The thing that gives you a sense of meaning, belief, enthusiasm. 

A loss of purpose can arise during a life transition whether that be a career change, redundancy, sale of a business, divorce, kids leaving home, ill health, death or retirement.  Each reflects a loss. My loss of purpose started with the sale of my business heightened by approaching and entering my 1000Weeks.

Some refer to finding a purpose as finding their Passion. Purpose. Passion. Pressure?

Finding a Purpose or a Passion during transition can feel like a pretty big ask.  The need and search to find one, or both, can feel heavy, intense, something that others seem to find easy, not ‘me’.

Liminality

I couldn’t picture my life after my business sale.  Not really.  I thought I could but my imaginings fell short when I found myself submerged in the thick of the business deal and handover, a marathon 4 years all in.  Ironic for a financial planner who has spent decades coaching and guiding others into their 1000Weeks.

The question that I have been wrestling since; how do I discover, or rediscover, my purpose or passion? And at this stage of life.

Slowly it seems.

It can take time. Sometimes months, sometimes years. It can feel hard to know or imagine what you want to do next, particularly, like me, when your identity has been tied up in a past life or whilst you are in the thick of change.

Apparently there is a word for this time of transition (thank you Dr Susan Kahn¹), ‘liminality’; a time of ambiguity and uncertainty following a separation from a previous way of being, before discovering stability in the next phase. 

Learnings

Liminality, that in between stage, is unsettling.  Maybe my experience, observations and thoughts may help you or someone you know move through this ‘messy middle’:

1. Try to reframe any sense of pressure and learn to live with a sense of unease.  

2. If you have a transition coming up, acknowledge it and start to plan early.  Perhaps view your discovery process as a work in progress. 

3. If finding your passion feels a big ask, try following your curiosity instead, as Elizabeth Gilbert beautifully redefined the search for passion (succinctly summarised by fellow Substack writer Julian Steinfelder ).

4. Think about what brings you joy.  When do you feel happy? What are you doing? Who are you with? Where are you? What does your ideal ‘normal’ (not holiday or high days) day and week look and feel like? How is it structured? What does it involve?

5. Are you living in tune with your values? Are you living your life or someone else’s? What have you always wanted to do but never got round to? What did you love to do as a child but lost along the way? What might keep you growing and learning?

Jot your observations down and start by just noticing them.  Take your time.  Enjoy the process. Be kind to yourself.

Talk

Involve your partner if you have one.   Pressure can arise from discussions not had when one partner is moving into a new phase of life.   I recall a couple I guided into retirement.  The wife was alarmed at the thought of having her husband at home 24/7, under her feet, interfering with her routines and work day freedom.  Understandable!

If you have a good financial planner they should be talking to you about more than just your money.  If they aren’t they should be. Find a new financial planner!  Money plays a key part in deciding what’s possible in life in this stage of life. 

Experiment

Experiment.  Play. Try some ideas on for size. As Elizabeth Gilbert says, be curious.

I had a flirt with a brilliant fitness business idea with a fabulous Strength & Conditioning Coach friend Leah Dunthorne It was called Lady Bones. Our target audience; women approaching, in or beyond menopause.  Our offer was exercise and education to help maintain bone density, strength and balance (osteoporosis being an issue for many women as they age). Turns out, although I am a lifelong fitness fan, the business was not for me.  But it was fun to find out.

Perhaps, some soul searching will reveal that you actually like work.  Maybe your current patterns just need some tweaking.  Or a new job, career or business beckons. 

Dealing with doubters

Hilariously I have heard the doubters say “what’s the point of starting a [insert activity of choice] at [insert age of choice], by the time you finish you will be 63/65/70 [you get the gist]?” To which I reply. True. But I aim to reach 63/65/70 and what will I have done instead?’

Who knows.  Just imagine what might be possible in this new and exciting phase of life. Believe me, you have so much to offer.

Let me know how you get on

Until next time my friends

Ruth x

1. Check out Susan’s new book ‘Reinvent Yourself’ - details on her website