Please, be quiet… #025
The gift of listening
When was the last time you just listened?
Simply listened. Not waiting for an opportunity to speak. Not concocting a clever reply. Or formulating a killer question. Or interrupting to insert your own view, opinion or experience. Just listened. Or maybe you remained silent and absently drifted off because the subject was ‘too hard’ or into thoughts of your own…your to do list, your next meeting, what that person in front of you at the coffee queue said.
Difficult to remember isn’t it? Or maybe it’s just me?
The inimitable Brene Brown describes each of these #listening/notlistening pretences perfectly – Narrative Take Over and Narrative Tap Out.
Independent Thinking.
Independent Thinking. When was the last time you just thought for yourself. Made time to think. Properly. Deeply. Your own thoughts. Not someone else’s. Not what someone else told you to think. Or believe. Not the latest newspaper, news or social media diatribe which feels cool or clever to parrot or ape, whether or not it’s true. When did you last really think to connect with your heart, your gut, as well as your head?
Difficult to remember isn’t it? Or maybe it’s just me…
Guilty as charged.
I was guilty as charged. Until a mere 3 weeks ago when I was invited by Becca Timmins to participate in her enlightening Thinking Partnership course1
The Thinking Partnership is inspired by Nancy Kline, her organisation is Time to Think. Nancy is the author of a number of publications, with two books in particular, Time to Think and The Promise that Changes Everything. Nancy’s personal experience and learnings led her to develop a methodology, the sole purpose of which is to encourage Independent Thinking for as long as possible in the presence of a Thinking Partner.
“The quality of everything we do depends on the quality of the thinking we do first.
The quality of our thinking depends on the way we treat each other while we are thinking.”
But back to the course.
We took turns at being the Thinker and the Thinking Partner. The Thinkers role - to think independently for themselves for as long as possible. The Thinking Partner’s role - to create and maintain the thinking space and ignite the Thinker’s thinking with a ‘simple’ question. And then listen, generatively, with the promise of no interruption until asked. At which point the Thinking Partner’s role is to ask another ‘simple’ question to ignite a further wave of thinking.
Powerful
The experience was powerful. As the Thinking Partner I truly saw the humanity, intelligence and emotions of the person thinking in front of me. I saw new thinking pathways light up as the Thinker pushed through the boundaries of their normal thoughts. I saw confusion, courage, awareness and sometimes a breakthrough leading to a personal change of direction. Other times, a family irritation or work problem solved.
As the Thinker, whose starting position was “I have nothing I really wanted to think about”, I helicoptered above a patchwork of thoughts before I gradually landed and went deeper and deeper into my chosen thought. Time passed slowly, then flew as I became absorbed in my thinking, gradually replacing untrue assumptions with liberating alternatives.
It was a three day course, worth its weight in gold.
How about you?
So what you may so. And fair enough. A course like this won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. But the mutual gift of really, really listening to another enable them to think, and to you to really, really understand, might just be life changing.
How about you, when did you last stop to really think about your life, work, relationships, new idea, the news, your choices in life? When did you last really listen to your partner, friend, work colleague, client2, parent, child or person with differing or opposing views to try to understand? It is a wonderful gift to give to somebody. And in this polarised world, my goodness don’t we need it. Try it. I dare you 😉
Let me know how you get on, I’d love to hear from you.
Until next time
Ruth x
Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash
If you would like to know more or want to have a conversation with Becca I highly recommend you take a peak at her website and or email her on becca@whenwethink.me
Thanks for the lovely post Ruth! Such a great insight into the importance of listening. I also appreciate the reminder of the importance of the quality of our thinking. Just what I needed to read today! X
The Thinking Environemnt is a truly beautiful place to be . I have had the pleasure of Becca's courses too and would also strongly recommend. Glad you enjoyed it Ruth.