“I’ve met the love of my life at 60” #034
A modern day, later-life, love story
Eat your heart out Bumble, Hinge or whatever the latest dating app is, real life ‘Sliding Doors’ moments do happen!
I had the most gorgeous, life-affirming conversation with a friend recently who, at 60, has met the love of her life. A chance meeting in a hotel bar on the Canary Islands on the penultimate night of her holiday was the spark. With the emotional intelligence and chutzpah to recognise the serendipity of their meeting, a whirlwind romance was ignited, with a marriage proposal just 5 months later.
She and he are on Cloud 9. Wedding plans are afoot. The venue is booked. The guest list is being crafted. Dress and suit discussions are underway. And suddenly, a reality check lands…
What if…
My friend has worked for 40 years to build her financial independence. She doesn’t doubt their love and desire, nor expect they will ever split, but you just never know. ‘Silver Splitters’, as divorce in later life has been coined, is on the rise.1
Life can be tricky.
Her question to me, “Should I have a prenup?”
My answer – a definitive yes. And so the potential can of worms opens…
I see marriage as having two distinct dimensions:
There is the love and romance - the emotional, passionate, deeply caring and supportive connection we search for, read about, watch on films and gather to celebrate.
Then there is the business side - the practical and financial aspects like the merging, or not, of assets and belongings.
To me they are two distinct matters which have become comingled.
A little about Pre Nuptial (Prenup) Agreements
A Prenup is a way of protecting assets (or debts) which were accumulated before the marriage or expected after the marriage, such as an inheritance or business sale.
They are a way of protecting each party, whilst providing clarity and fairness, in the event of divorce.
They aren’t legally binding in the UK but will be taken into consideration by the divorce court if correctly drafted, each party received legal representation and freely entered into the agreement.
They can be particularly helpful for couples marrying later in life, where there may be unequal assets or children from prior relationships.
Or, as I saw more frequently when I was a Financial Planner, they may be driven by parents who have given assets to a child, or considering doing so, and wishing to preserve family assets should there be a divorce.
But back to my friend and her concerns:
How should she start the conversation?
What might her partner fear she is saying?
Might it infer a lack of trust? and
OMG we have to talk about money, loss and disruption and we have only just met!
For sure, we agreed it might be a challenging conversation but one not to be ducked. Afterall, truth, openness and honesty has to be the way forward at the start of a relationship.
You
How about you, how do you feel about Prenups? Have you had to start or been on the receiving end of such a conversation? Are they helpful in providing clarity or do they sow a seed of doubt in a relationship? Do you think it’s fair of a parent who has gifted cash to a child to insist on a prenup to protect the family wealth or a sign of overbearing control?
Do drop me a line, I’d love to hear from you.
Until next week my friends,
Ruth x
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Never knew the pre-nup wasn't a legal thing in the UK. I think by the time you get past 50, both parties have to be realistic about their financial positions and having that conversation means you are ready to proceed to the next stage (marriage, living together) etc. Looks like my conversation is imminent!
A really useful piece Ruth, thank you. I hope I never need it but if I were in a new relationship it would be a must. Like death money can be hard to talk about when you are in love.