Five Find the Meaning of Life…#058
Self-help books, friend or foe?
Have you ever had a moment when you realise what you’re looking for is hiding in plain sight? Let me tell you a story.
The Second Mountain
I’ve just read a book - The Second Mountain by David Brooks. It was recommended by my friend Remarkable Nick1 years ago. I spotted it recently on a visit to my local bookshop to get a gift for a friend. Feeling battered physically and mentally as I recovered from Noro virus I snapped it up feeling sure it was the antidote to my mopey, feeling sorry for myself mood.
It’s a good, thought provoking read. Well researched. Eloquently written.
My ‘Brodies Notes’ interpretation is this:
In our first phase of life we climb an egotistical, self-centred ‘mountain’ to achieve our, and society’s, expectations and aspirations - the education, the career, the family, the house. With the status, financial rewards and possessions that follow.
Having summited this mountain we can find ourselves in ‘The Valley’. A place of disquiet, discontent and questioning. Where has the time gone? What have I really achieved? How did I get here? Was it all worth it? What next? What’s the point? Who am I?
The path out of the Valley is the ‘Second Mountain’. A metaphorical climb to discover the beauty, restoration and sense of belonging in relationships and friendships. A time to redefine what’s important in life. To find faith and purpose. To share our experience, presence, time and good fortune. To find and build community.
To realise there’s more to life than ‘I’.
I recognised myself in some parts, less in others.
Anyway, back to the story.
Five find the meaning of life
The other Sunday I was on a blissful walk along the Dorset coast with 3 of my favourite people and the dog I adore. Think an all-female Famous Five!
Having climbed a savage beast of a hill we five sat on the grass, eating date and walnut cake (well not Cyd, the Mini Schnauzer, not for want of trying!).
As we sipped tea from a Thermos I started to regale the girls with The Second Mountain, in particular ‘The Valley’.
They listened quietly as I talked. Then came their unified, somewhat derogatory reply:
“Ohhhhh SHUUUD THE F**K UUUP - does it get much better than this?”
I laughed out loud at myself and my earnest, amateur pontifications…they had a point!
I was on the Jurassic Coast with my best friends and dog basking in the beauty of the view. I could feel the Spring sunshine on my face and had the comfort of knowing that later I’d be eating and drinking delicious food and wine, pleasantly tired from having done a tough-ish walk.
With an interesting and stimulating week ahead of me.
And the luxury of health, friendship, choice, money and time.
My friends were right. Ish.
In that moment I was at peace with the world. No mountain required.
Self-help books – friend or foe?
Reading is good. It’s one of my favourite things.
The Two Mountain analogy paints a pleasing, simplistic image.
It provides an opportunity to reflect and explore what’s important in life. A life not examined and all that. An opportunity to reflect on the balance of our pillars of Wellbeing – purpose/career, relationships, health, money and community.
I love a self-help/personal development/positive psychology book. They give me helpful frameworks, insights and inspiration. I usually find learnings (or reminders) as I read.
However, they can also be a place for me to fester and hide as I search for the elusive perfect next step or outcome. Just one more self-help book please…
As a coach once said to me:
“You have all you need”.
Maybe she’s right. Less navel gazing, more action.
You
As ever I’m interested in you. What do you think of Self Help/Personal Development books – help, hindrance or guide? A source of motivation or a place to hide? Which one(s) would you gift to a friend? And which one(s) might you recommend steer clear of?
Brew yourself a cuppa and drop me a line, I’d love to hear from you.
And remember, you’re never going to be any younger than you are today - what have you been delaying in anticipation of perfect?
The Death Trilogy – your thoughts
Finally, thank you for all your engagement on my death trilogy (blogs #055-#057). With particular thanks to:
Jeff for sharing how his mum’s openness to talk about her death in her final months helped ease her loss for the family.
Amanda for reminding me of the beautiful concept of Living Wakes.
Jamie who introduced me to the term2 and book Döstädning by Margareta Magnusson – ordered and ready to read!
And all of you who’ve said I’ve nudged your thoughts or given you a helpful checklist to work through…what are your next steps?
Until next week my friends,
Ruth x
I’d love it if you left a comment - if not, that’s cool - a like, share or subscribe will also make me smile, thank you :-)
Nick got the name Remarkable by introducing me to the same named electronic notebook. I love it!
Döstädning is Swedish and means ;death cleaning’ in English.
I often wonder about this Ruth, but I can't help reading, thinking and navel gazing! Perhaps it's ok to take a tiny bit of everything but keep that "You have all you need" in mind before being a slave to things? Hope so anyway :)
I’ve read a few self help books too but more recently I’ve started to practice and Qi Gong. I now realise that, for me, it’s all about living positively but without effort aka as Wu Wei. Our life essence lives in our bodies not our minds and that’s where my focus is now. If we don’t move it and groove it now- we’ll be in armchairs smelling of wee before we know it! X love your musings