Circles and spirals #052

How I stopped hijacking myself

I was chatting with a friend over a cuppa recently. We’re both of a similar vintage. Code for, we’ve been round the block more than once, kissed a few frogs and opened a number of fresh chapters.

As we sipped our Earl Grey I bemoaned:

“My life sometimes feels like a circle. I take a decision and a little while later, familiar yet unhelpful thoughts and feelings creep up on me. It’s bloody exhausting”.

To which my wise friend replied:

“I get a similar thing. But I like to think of it as a spiral. Hopefully one that’s spiralling upwards.”

Her words stopped me in my slightly self-indulgent tracks.

Riff

Her words felt like a helpful riff on that centuries old quote from the philosopher Heraclitus

“No man ever steps in the same river twice for it is not the same river and he is not the same man.”

I am not the same woman I was 5, 10, 15 years ago, nor is the situation, so how can life be a circle?

A profound quote, made accessible with a modern day twist.

The box

Circular thoughts are weird and unhelpful. They remind me of that box in my wardrobe. Do you have one? The one that’s stuffed with old photos and negatives? Oh the perfect irony of that word.

Photos housed in tatty old ‘Boots’ envelopes. The occasional carefully curated flip album nestling amongst them perhaps reflecting a more organised period.

Many of the photos make me smile and remind me of happy times and places with friends and family I’ve shared my life with. Many however are out of focus, duplicated or uninspiring, Photos, like thoughts, which should be discarded or deleted.

But back to spirals.

Life as an ascending spiral is a great visual. That, along with a few tools I’ve garnered over the last few years, help me see when when my thoughts are trying to hijack me.

The tools

The tools¹ I use are simple, but not always easy. The good old “knowing doing” gap.

Journaling is one. It really does work. The hard work is stopping yourself thinking you can do it in your head and actually doing it! Last week I dropped a metaphorical half-a-stone getting all the ideas for 1000Weeks out of my head and onto paper. Writing it down helped me see it’s not ideas I’m missing. It’s inspiring people to collaborate with.

Another tool is to question if the chatter in my head is True, False or Don’t Know - “Who are you to do this?” “You’re too old” “What have you got to offer?” Who wants to read your random ramblings?".

Recognising these “hijacker” thoughts as they crop up, or at least soon after, is another. I'm still working on this one, but I'm getting better at catching myself when I stray into those wearing patterns of doubt or overthinking.

Most importantly, *drum roll* I now realise that not all thoughts are true. Who knew?

They should teach this stuff in school!

You

But back to my wise friend. And you.

I love the spiral metaphor. I see a sweeping stairwell leading me higher. Ten years ago I would have staggered up those stairs lugging my whole photo box. These days I’m learning to climb with ease carrying just the thoughts and feelings that serve me.

How about you, do you ever feel stuck in a circle? What are your tips and tricks to shift your thinking? What’s in your old photo box? And what negatives are you willing to leave behind?

Pour yourself something delicious and drop me a line, I’d love to learn from you.

Until next week my friends,

And remember, you’re never going to be any younger than you are today, what are you waiting for?

Ruth x

Oh, before you go, if you enjoy my words, it’d be lovely if you choose to like, share, subscribe or comment - buttons 👇🏼thank you. It really puts a spring in my step.

Photo by ye mon Unsplash

1. Tools I learned from another wise and beautiful friend of mine Tina Weeks, founder of the Know Thyself coaching course.