Why do good people do bad things? #091
And why it's closer than you think...
A question I’ve often pondered which was answered at a conference I attended last week. The answer might surprise.
Why do good people do bad things?
The conference was Humans Under Management (HUM). A financial planning conference that rarely mentions finance and instead majors on the most important aspects of money – how it makes us feel, think, our personal money experiences, the money stories we tell ourselves and the way money causes us to behave.
The talk was by a friend of mine, Philippa Hann, CEO of Paradigm Norton, a financial planning business.
Philippa is a lawyer by training. Her role before becoming CEO – litigating against financial advisors who had done ‘bad’ things. Or defending advisors against charges of wrongdoing. Someone well placed to ask and answer this question.
Clever framing
The magic of the talk was its relatability.
Philippa didn’t sensationalise the subject by talking about high profile fraud cases we might have heard of. She simply told a story.
An email received from an agitated and demanding client. A client the adviser felt slightly bullied by. An adviser with a busy workload. Who felt nervous to call the client, so delayed responding until they’d done other easier matters on their To Do list. They intended to call…but didn’t. Not that day. Nor the next day. Nor the next…So the client contacted their manager. Who called the adviser into the office to ask if they had received the email…to which they responded;
“No, I haven’t”.
An opportunity missed
A split-second decision. An opportunity to tell the truth and ask for help or guidance. To explain their fear. Missed.
The lie compounded by returning to their computer and deleting the incriminating email. Problem gone.
But of course, it hadn’t.
The IT Department easily found the email and confirmed it had been seen, read, ignored and deleted.
Instant dismissal.
Wow.
Surely not the adviser’s expectation when they started their working day.
Nor their intent when they procrastinated about calling the agitated client.
Or their expected outcome when they told the seemingly tiny little untruth about receiving the email.
One small decision. Massive impact.
Vulnerable
Philippa’s sorry tale tells a simple story of a good person doing a bad thing. The adviser unable to show their fallibility and fear to their manager or the client. An environment potentially created and perpetuated by the employer. Or maybe an ill serving narrative in the advisers own mind. The inability to show their vulnerability. The act of lying and deleting the email most likely outside of their normal behaviour. And, crucially, their perception of self.
Could it have been you?
The everydayness of the situation resonated. One I could relate to, even if by the grace of good fortune, I’ve never experienced. But I can so see how easily it could be otherwise.
Philippa’s premise -good people don’t set out to do bad things. We can however become vulnerable when emotions and stakes are heightened.
Helpfully Philippa has designed a Moral Operating System - a framework to help us prepare for and navigate difficult situations, and develop our self-esteem:
Understand your vulnerabilities – are you a people pleaser? Do you suffer from perfectionism? Or over confidence? Are you exhausted or burnt out? Do you fear conflict?..
Plan your defensive moves – ask for thinking time; identify your support mechanisms; ask for help; admit early if you make mistakes or miss a deadline…
Write down your non negotiables – I don’t lie; I don’t pretend I understand something if I don’t; If something doesn’t feel right I seek more information…
Build a journaling habit – to explore your emotional reactions and feelings.
By necessity I’ve skimped the detail but Philippa’s book, “The Fault Lines of Finance; Understanding and preventing financial misconduct” out next year, does a deep dive. Whilst it’s framed around finance, the lessons are applicable to us all.
You
As ever I’m interested in you.
If you are a manager, leader or parent how do you prepare your employees, teams or children to deal with moral dilemmas? How do you create environments that support good people to do the right thing? And what conditions might you observe or unwittingly encourage at work or at home that discourage the right behaviours?
Perhaps it’s a situation where you’re feeling the dissonance that comes with living out with your values and beliefs. I know I had that feeling in a work situation in my 20s when I was encouraged by a results driven sales manager to provide advice in a format that achieved a sales target potentially at the client’s expense...it was time to leave.
Pour yourself a cuppa and drop me a line, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this fascinating subject.
And remember, you’re never going to be any younger than you are today, is there anywhere in your life you are ignoring a moral dilemma that might easily be solved by starting a conversation?
Until next week my friends,
Ruth x
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Very thought provoking. We are always so quick to judge others and rarely take the time to consider the alternative narrative.
I have learnt along the way that being my authentic self is the only way I can truly function and sometimes that means making a brave decision or moving on. Neither easy options.
Awesome.