What would you say to your 24 year old self? #090

And what would she say to the now you?

My answer to the first question is “Dump him”…but that’s another story ;-)

I went along to my first IRL Noon ‘Circle’ in London this week. Noon’s a community for women in mid-life who are figuring out their ‘what next’. I spoke of it in blog 087 - (the storytelling and Riot Women one)

Hosted by its founder, the ebullient Eleanor Mills, former editor of The Sunday Times, she posed the questions:

The questions

“What would you say to your 24-year-old self? And what would she say to the now you?”

We split into six groups of four to discuss.

Coincidentally, my group included a very good friend of a very good friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in years; a child-free woman - like me - who is main carer for her ageing father; and a woman in her 50s questioning if she still wants to be married to her husband.

The room was alive with conversation.

The answers

After twenty minutes or so we re-formed to hear back from each group.

The answers to the first part of the question – what would you say to your 24 year old self - were rich and varied: Don’t worry, it will all turn out alright; It’s going to be hard at times, life wont always be easy; Don’t lose yourself along the way; You will grow and evolve over time, don’t be scared to change; and one I hadn’t expected - Stop having so much fun, get a good job and focus…

The answers to the second question – what would your 24 year old self say to the now you - were just as rich: See, you were good enough! Wow, how did you end up there? Is this really what you want for the next 25 years? It’s not too late, just do it; Experiment, give new things a go, what have you got to lose? And one I’ve just added - Look after yourself - eat well, exercise, sleep, laugh, have fun – we want you to be around for the next 30 years!

Fascinating.

Friends

The conversation turned to friendships.

Many referred to the truth in the old saying “Friends are with us for a reason, a season or sometimes for life”.

We spoke of the joy, love, loyalty and fun of some friendships. Contrasted with the loss, heaviness and, maybe, boredom of others.

Of how friendships evolve over time. Perhaps the friends made at school, the school gate, or that job from way back when no longer serve you. One woman spoke of a friendship cull – sounds harsh but maybe it’s not so, if done kindly. And of course there’s that hard, hard splintering of friends which sometimes occurs when a relationship breaks down, when sometime friends feel called to judge or choose.

Another woman in her late 50s spoke of the sheer joy of finding new friends much younger than her – the energy and feelings of youth they brings her…but only after clarifying they didn’t see her as a mother figure!

Imagination

Some of the women were fizzing with the new things they were trying – writing a book, starting a podcast, learning to pot, setting up a new business.

Others seemed frozen. Unsure. Fearful. Unable to see they could choose something different. Explaining they had suppressed themselves for so many years, they no longer knew what used to bring them joy. Let alone imagine what may in the future.

Nonetheless, it was clear most of the group were open to change as well as cheer leading and supporting each other. Some remained more nervous and unsure than others. Some I sensed may not attend again. But all were, in their own way, exploring their “what next?”.

You

As ever, I’m interested in you.

The experience I describe isn’t unique to woman. Nor is it necessarily related to age.

Some great questions were posed. I’d like to share and ask you a few:

What would you say to your 24-year-old self, and what would they say to the now you? What’s not in your diary that could or should be? and What are you putting your energy into, and who’s it for?

Pour yourself a cheeky Chardonnay and drop me a line, I’d love to hear from you.

And remember, you’re never going to be any younger than you are today, choosing you isn’t a selfish act.

Until next week my friends,

Ruth x

ps Big shout out to my lovely friends for being happy for me to use the photo of our fab night this summer watching Alison Moyet at Kew Gardens…

pps And neon sentence at the top of the photo “if you saw the younger you, what would you say to them?” - taken at an incredible concert last night by Kae Tempest at the Bristol 02. If you haven’t heard Kae’s version of Freedom, listen here, you’re in for a treat.

Thankyou for reading my words, I hope you enjoyed them. If you did, please do leave me a comment, ❤️, share or subscribe; why not all four? I really do appreciate your support.