The beauty of a virtuous circle #107
#GiveToGain
Give to Gain. The theme for this year’s International Women’s Day. A simple statement. Open to misinterpretation. Yet so true.
The elephant
I went to an IWD event on Wednesday for Women In Platforms1. Over one hundred women and a small yet welcome group of male allies gathered to listen to several awesome women from financial services.
The lurking elephant in the room? Divided views on the GiveToGain theme.
Women are already giving, giving, giving and now they are being asked to do more?
Not my reaction to the theme but I could understand the point. My friend and fellow Substacker Emma Kriskinans spoke of a similar observation in her 2024 post.
One of the wise panellists, Amira, offered a helpful reframe - give with intent. Very different to giving by extraction, you know, the feeling you have when someone has just rinsed your knowledge or views, leaving you feel used, cheated or put upon. A feeling I recall from early in my career when, after sharing a technical anomaly I’d identified around pensions, I found my boss had turned it into an FT article with no mention or nod to me…
Reciprocity
Give with intent. Gain by reciprocity. Sometimes by the recipient giving back time, knowledge, energy or something else, something more subtle.
As social animals we, women in particular, are wired to give and care for others. When we give with intent we are rewarded by the release of a cocktail of chemicals, the ‘Helpers High’ – dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins. What a feeling.
Wisdom
The panel proceeded to answer questions on GivetoGain.
They spoke of the knowledge and wisdom women, particularly we more mature women, have to offer those in earlier stages of their careers. In return we have much to learn from those carving their path today
The next generation are doing it differently. Of course they are. Afterall, when I was in my mid-thirties, the age of many of the women assembled, email was new, internet usage was patchy, dial up routers were screechy, slow and unpredictable. The award of a Blackberry a badge of honour; before we realised it was just a way to metaphorically keep us chained to our desks after hours or when out and about.
Justine spoke of learning as she grew. Of dealing with early failure, pressure and imposter syndrome “in spite of evidence to the contrary” – love that line. Of dropping the mask, the need to imitate [insert dominant, most likely male, force in your business] and just be, you. And as her confidence grew, the recognition she was her own best advocate. And you rise by lifting others.
Givetogain, the definition of a virtuous circle. The giver gains, the recipient gains, the gainer gives…and so it goes on.
You
As ever I’m interested in you. Where do you stand on GiveToGain? Who lifted or shone a light on you? And how are you doing that for others now?
Pour yourself a cuppa, maybe make one for another whilst you’re at it, and drop me a line, I’d love to hear from you.
And remember, you’re never going to be any younger than you are today, crack on!
Until next week my friends,
Ruth x
Ps Beautiful beach photo by Alison Saeng of Unsplash
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