My money story - the beliefs and ‘hangovers’ #18
What’s yours?
I wrote my money story recently as an exercise in self-awareness for a behavioural finance course. It was insightful, an opportunity to identify my biases, assumptions and stories. I reckon it should be a mandatory requirement for anyone providing money advice to others.
I share my highlights reel below:
My childhood years
Money was tight. I learned it was hard earned, to be managed carefully and often a source of tension, heightened by Dad’s sporadic maintenance payments. We never went without but there wasn’t much left over. Free School dinners felt a source of shame.
My teenage years
I learned how to work for money. Washing up in the kitchen of our local pub. ‘Silver Service’ waitressing, badly. Supermarket shelf stacking and competitive manual till operating (my friend and I, on adjacent tills, racing to see who could get to the end of the huge trolley of shopping being piled onto our respective conveyor belts first!). Office work with mum during the summer holidays taught me admin tasks, double entry book-keeping (Kalamazoo, there’s a blast from the past!) and late 70s/early 80s office etiquette.
My nursing years
My first proper job, nursing was salary and ward based then. I learned how to budget and be self-sufficient on my meagre salary, tough living in London in Thatcher’s booming ‘80s
My early ‘sales’ years
My first experience of the influence money has on behaviour. Moving from nursing to (legal) drug sales (the lure of a company car) to car sales was jarring. No more part of a tight knit team caring for others. Car sales training taught me helpful communication skills and sales techniques, whilst the showroom and forecourt introduced me to greed, individualism and competition. The human instincts that get ignited in a commission-based sales environment.
My ‘material’ years
In the late 80s my then boyfriend and I set up a mortgage brokerage. I learned how to run a business and we made money, fast.
At 26 I had a Cartier watch, a Gucci handbag and drove a convertible BMW. I thought I was the bee's knees. All nice to have, yet fundamentally unimportant and shallow trinkets. And certainly, no measure of achievement, success or importance. I left and got a sales job with an insurance company and began my financial services career proper.
My business ownership years.
Years later, in my early 40s I went into business with 2 others, confident that if it failed, I could get another job which ironically would probably pay more than the one I left. A boss once asked, ‘do you back yourself?’ I did.
Creating a supportive environment and fairness was important to me. We could only be successful because of our team.
As business partners we paid ourselves conservatively focussing instead on building a comfortable cash buffer to fund growth and defend against the unknowns. I found discussions and negotiations with my business partners around salary, dividends and contribution stressful.
One day I realised the business had a value. Something I’d never expected and certainly not a motivator for going into business. We merged the business with a firm we admired, gaining an exit and some money. Not quite a king’s ransom, but more than I ever thought I’d have.
Beliefs and hangovers
I’ve distilled my story into 8 money beliefs, or maybe ‘hangovers’ is a better word:
Work = Hard. I’m working on this flawed belief asking myself instead, what if work and earning money didn’t need to feel hard?
Guilt sometimes, that I live an incredibly comfortable life whilst my grandma eked out life in retirement on her basic state pension and was as ‘happy as Larry’. Again, flawed, I know she would be proud of me and my achievements, and this guilt no longer serves me.
Concern around consumption in a world that is struggling with inequality and resources.
The need to feel in control of my money, reconciling and noticing where my spending goes.
The importance of showing respect and generosity to those who have less. Choosing to give and help where I can, whether family, friends or good causes.
Money should not be hoarded. Spend it or give it away.
Just bloody enjoy it! which I do, after all, I earned it.
And gratitude that money gives me choice, freedom, security and peace of mind. For that I feel fortunate.
On balance I think my distillations serve as my ‘checks and balances’. A healthy tension and grounding.
What’s your money story?
How about you, what’s your money story? What might it tell you about your relationship with money? I encourage you to write it. Or speak it to someone. Maybe to your partner or friend.
Do drop me a line, I’d love to hear from you.
Until next time,
Ruth x
Ps What are you waiting for?