Hello friends,
David’s beautiful response to my question, ‘what makes a celebration’ in last weeks blog, described the presence of ‘friendship, love and underlying currents of meaning’. How perfectly poignant for today’s words. I hope you enjoy them.
Sadly I went to the funeral of a dear family friend on Tuesday. Lisa was nearly 53 when she died. Cancer. 7 years in the dance before the music stopped.
I didn’t know Lisa well. She was the daughter of my mum’s best friend from childhood, Aunty Kay, not a relative but that’s what we called close family friends in the 60s and 70s. We were like extended family who see each other on rare occasions, but when you do, you immediately feel you’ve come home.
Lisa’s life could not have been more different to mine. Married to Arran in her early 20s, mother to 2 sons, her family were her world. A dutiful daughter who was always there for Aunty Kay and Uncle Brian, and a teasing sister to Darren. She never moved more than 5 miles from where she was born in the suburbs of Birmingham. She worked for West Midlands Police as a police controller. Tough job.
It was clear she was also a friend to many. The celebrant herself being one. All the readings made reference to Lisa’s broad smile, her sarcastic quips, her kindness, her partiality to a large glass of chardonnay, ‘nick nacks’, girls weekends away to the caravan and her sense of fun.
But the overwhelming feeling was of a deep, deep sense of love, kindness, family and friendship. The service oozed with it. Not a dry eye in the overly full house, with mourners standing inside and out. Thank goodness for the intermittent peals of laughter breaking the choking sadness.
Write your own obituary…they say
There is a personal development technique around writing your own obituary and then living into the words that you would want people to say about you when you die.
What I got at Lisa’s service though was a life lived with effortless authenticity. Lisa knew who she was. A mother, wife, daughter, sister, niece and friend. It was all about family and friends. And love. No need for Lisa to write her own obituary, she just lived it 100%.
Lifehack 101
A life like Lisa’s was never for me. I’ve always craved something different to my perception of ‘suburbia’ which feels closeted, safe, confining, suffocating, normal - what ever that means. Yet I couldn’t help thinking that Lisa achieved the perfect life. For her at least. Afterall, what more do you need than love, family (whether your birth or chosen) and friendship?
You
Which brings me to you. Which also means me. What do you think your family, friends and colleagues might say about you when you’ve gone? And even more than words, what will people remember feeling when they were with you? Not a guarantee of eternal life after you have gone…but perhaps the next best thing.
Drop me a line, I’d love to hear your thoughts if you are happy to share them. And remember, you are never going to be any younger than you are today, what are you waiting for?
Until next time
Ruth x
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Loved this piece so much...Ruth💜 It brought back the memories of my attending the Financial Life Planning Course conducted by Money Quotient in Feb 2011. In most of our sessions we were paired in diads. Of course on rotation. What stood out for me was what you just wrote... 'What is the Legacy that you want to leave in this world?' This came up in our session and I mentioned to my fellow participant...that my eulogy would read as... ' Here is someone who touched many people's lives positively'. And when I look back after reading the story of your beautiful friend Lisa, that line remains the same. Being purposeful and meaningful is so important and soul satisfying for all of us...Isn't it?
Beautifully written and always good to refocus on the really important things in life. Thank you Ruth.